Steller’s Sea Eagle

Stellers Sea Eagle


Siberia is a 5.1 million square mile region in Russia (the entire United States is only 3.8 million square miles). It has swamps, plains, forests, mountains, and tundra, and it holds the record for lowest temperature outside of Antarctica with -90° Fahrenheit (-68° Celsius).  In summary: Siberia is big and cold.

If you are a Steller’s Sea Eagle (SSE), Siberia is home. SSEs are considered to be the world’s largest, heaviest, most attractive eagle. They are also “Glacial Relics” because they live in such a remote habitat that sucks for everyone else and have survived several ice ages. Even though they have been around for a long time and are super big (i.e. easy to see), not much is known about beloplechii orlan, which is Russian for white-shouldered eagle. They are one of the rarest raptors in the world.

Each time I write “raptor” I feel like I’m writing “rapper.” And I don’t know, maybe these raptors are rappers. Then they can be the world’s rarest raptor rappers.






Bald Eagle


Bald people are cool (two words: Telly Savalas).

Eagles are cool.

So by the transitive property of equality, Bald Eagles are SUPER DUPER SCOOPER AWESOME and AMAZEBALLS. 

Everyone knows they are the national bird of the United States and considered to be the “king of the birds” (probably because of their amazeballness and that they are on the top of the food chain), so I’m going to tell you some things that maybe you don’t know.

Two eagles will be flying toward each other with their giant 7-foot wing span and when they meet, they will LOCK TALONS! and twirl downward toward the ground, hurtling through the air and will separate before hitting earth. There is debate whether this is a fight move or a love move. Why can’t it be both?

The legend of how the Bald Eagle became the symbol of American strength and freedom dates back to the Revolutionary War. Supposedly, during the beginning of the war, loud fighting awoke some sleeping eagles nearby, which annoyed them. So they flew to the battlefield and circled, screeching and shrieking, “You JERKS woke us up!” The American soldiers (who didn’t speak Eagle) believed these vocalizations were yells for freedom from the British, when really, the Eagles were just grumpy.